Hubby loves WORSHIPS football. I didn’t know his love for football was overwhelming and a bit annoying until I got married to him. I've tried as much as possible to respect his desire and stay out of his way whenever there’s a match.
I even decided to get interested in football especially when hubby raised it in marriage counselling. I began to watch out for his club, match results and chat with him about the matches, coaches and even players.
Prior to the world cup hubby sent me a memo that is been circulated widely, about how I have to keep myself in the know of upcoming matches and stay out his way during a match. I even replied him saying “Noted”.
Hubby began to prepare for the world cup in earnest and I made a mental note to be careful so as not to get into any arguement with hubby. He chased the t.v. connection guy so he could fix a t.v. antenna in the guest room there while I had the t.v’s in the living room and the bed room to myself. Hubby insisted that he didn’t want me to disturb him whenever a match was going on.
However, I’m so so PISSED this morning. Yesterday when hubby got back from work, he told me he was going to take the t.v in the guest room to work, so he could watch the match between Nigeria and Greece the following day. And I replied saying “you’re kidding, right?” and he went on to tell me he was serious and how a colleague said he should bring the t.v. as well. I then told him that I’m sure your colleague has a t.v. at home, he should take his own t.v. to the office instead of you. I said it was absurd, I’d never heard of someone taking the t.v. to work because of football. I noticed hubby was getting angry so I said he should do whatever he likes but I did’t want to say anything about it again. The last thing you want is for hubby to get angry coz he acts like an inconsolable baby- I hope he never sees this (Hubby has a loud voice which you can easily mistake for shouting and he gesticulates a lot).
I served him his dinner and went to bed because I was very tired.
This morning we got into the car and hubby mumbled the morning prayers, I struggled to say Amen because I could hardly hear him. He looked gloomy and I asked him what the matter was. He said he was angry that he was not going to watch Nigeria play and he went on to say I didn’t allow him take the t.v. to work. I was like what the hell? I quickly said, "we ‘re still on the street let’s go back and get the t.v." I was very furious and I pleaded with him to turn the car around, so he could get the t.v. and he said NO.
He started ranting, hubby said he had told me he loved football before we got married bla bla bla.
I almost died of embarrassment when I saw a guy staring at hubby and I in traffic (Hubby was still ranting, and I was just looking out of the window).
All these while, I was short of words, very confused and silently blaming myself for saying a word when he said he was taking the t.v. to work. I thought hubby was been so childish, unfair, and getting angry at the wrong person. As far as I’m concerned, he should be mad at FIFA for putting the match at 3:00 p.m. What if we didn't have a t.v.?
I kept quiet all through the ride to work. My head was beginning to ache terribly, still is aching. A few minutes later, hubby called me at work to tell me today is his dad’s birthday.
To my amazement, I’ve noticed that there’s an unusually coincidence that occurs when hubby and I have a disagreement. Hubby and I always happen to have a major disagreement whenever his family members are celebrating one thing or the other and I'm always so angry that the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone but instead I’m forced to smile and act like everything's ok. However, I don’t know how good I’ve been able to hide that.
Now I have to call dad to wish him a happy birthday and also very curious to see how hubby and I will end this.
A time for war, and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:8)
My good friend “B” called me on Saturday and asked me how long it took me before I started doing hubby's chores when we were dating and I replied her saying, I didn't start doing things for him until when I was sure the relationship was leading somewhere but I was quick to also mention that hubby didn't allow me do stuffs for him. He always said it was not my duty until I was married, so the things I did were because I just wanted to do them.
B told me how she and her boyfriend were having arguments because he expected her to do his dishes, cook and other stuffs for him.
I told her it was good she and her boo were having this discussion (actually it was an argument but then you have to choose your words carefully) because these are the kind of issues that cause major disagreements in marriage.
I went on to tell her that some men are very traditional and some ladies too don't mind slaving (pardon my word) for them. As a girlfriend, you should know what your boo likes and ask yourself if you can live with it in marriage, if not save your head now and vice versa. I encouraged her to talk about it some more with her boo.
By the way, my friend has lived in the States for a long while, so the way she thinks will or might be slightly different. I guess?
Thinking about it again, some men are just silly. I don't see why another person should clean your mess for you. You eat, and then you clean up after yourself. God didn't only give you hands to aid walking and play video games but to take care of yourselves by washing, farming aka getting a job. etc. A woman is a helpmate.
I’m not saying women shouldn’t do these things but it’s not cast in stone whose responsibility it is, so why can’t you do your things yourself or share the chores with your wife when you’re married.
Personally, I don't suffer male chauvinist gladly. I consider it laziness or wickedness of the highest order.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Geneisis 2:18 (NIV)
It takes a whole lot, I mean the grace of God to be married and stay married. All the stuffs we're told about marriage in counselling is so true; the importance of communication, compromise, submission and the likes. But sometimes I can't help being so angry with something’s that happen in marriage. I'm usually not an angry person, I try not to take things to heart because I found out very early in life that prolonged anger is not worth it especially towards things that I cannot change rather I channel by energy towards positive things and draw key learnings from the experience.
Hubby and I certainly have different backgrounds, values and belief systems and like every other couple; we've had disagreements as a result of our differences. E.g. I'm a short words person while hubby is a long words person. I get irritated when hubby tells me something and he goes on and on about it. Hubby is vocal and confrontational but I'm a bit on the quiet side but pretty stubborn. Rather than say things that hurt me, I keep quite just to avoid long, angry discussions but hubby is the opposite. Although, these days he tries to save his reaction until later because the initial reaction causes more damage.
Hubby says I withdraw into my shell after an argument or being told off. He has always encouraged me to speak up and express myself. On one occasion I expressed myself, and hubby said I disrespected/ disregarded him. I'm still not sure what he meant by that?
Moments like these when I feel frustrated, I just want my peace and that means being alone for a while but I can't seem to have any of that anymore. Lost it all when I signed those papers for better or for worse.
"Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:9 (NIV)
My alarm buzzed at 5:40 a.m. and I jumped out of bed and headed for the bathroom to have a shower. The weather was quite warm today so I didn’t have any qualms using cold water, I, also, didn’t have to worry about what to wear because it’s either jeans or Ankara (TGIF).
I put on my outfit and it clung to my body like my second skin and that's not what you want to wear to work, with all those "hawks" waiting to devour you. The last thing I wanted is to draw more attention to myself.
I was pissed because I couldn’t fit into my clothes comfortably anymore and I had to figure out what to wear asap. I tried on like three shirts and they were just too tight and it finally dawned on me that it was high time I did something about my weight.
So I’ve finally decided to take my health and weight seriously. I used to run and jog a lot but that seems almost impossible in Lagos. I’m so scared of the okada and danfo drivers especially when I almost got hit like twice. Sorry, I don’t stay in one of those areas where you have proper walk ways to walk, jog or run.
I’ve registered at a gym-thank God for my organisation and I hope to get rid of every pound I have gained over the years and comfortable wear a size 8.
My new meal plan is as follows:
Breakfast: Cereal or Toast
Lunch: Salad/ Moin Moin with Fish
Dinner: Moin moin/ Chicken Salad / Beans
Snack: Carrots/ OrangesNew Resolutions -
No fizzy drinks
No pastries (even though I indulged a bit yesterday and worked out as well)
No red meat
Take the stairs instead of the lift
Get Active
Smile when people tell me I’m fat (I’m a size 10-below /12 -above and I hate it when you tell me I'm fat. For goodness sake, it's inappropriate to tell a lady she's fat. It just never goes down well with me)
Let’s see how much pounds or kg, I’d loose in the next one month and over the years.
All the best to me!
Dear Lord, With YOU all things are possible.
